Background Noise: For Good, Wicked
Last website visited: Apple Store, making Dr. O'Neil a computer ::sigh:: before coffee
Mood: high strung and tired (how do i manage that?!)
Right now i want... my to-do list done

People should not ask me for system recommendations before i've had my coffee. Especially when i have the day from hell coming up. or rather, it seems that way. god i'm tired. I'm snippy. Oh, and just saying something to the effect of "i need a new computer, what mac should i get" kinda doesn't help, because it requires me to write a very long if-then email of needs and purposes. ugh. hehe, i bet i scare the crap out of him when he reads that email. oh well.

i wore my heels this morning, and my v-neck sweater. why? partially because i'm really tired, feel like shit, and i still need to be here, so i wanted to dress nice. also because, i have a game tonight, and i also need to get errands done. so i had to wear something that i could under no circumstances wear to play softball in so i'm required to go home and change and maybe pack or run to target, or something. i'm also wearing my glasses, which i will NOT play in, and my cleats are at home. So yeah.

... hmm.... i wonder when the game actually IS tonight. asking now. gee, why would i ever need to know something as silly as that....

yeah.

i should just eat breakfast, wake up, calm down, make a plan, and stick to it. should be simple. 3 people have told me this morning to not fly home if i'm not in the mood (which i'm not). but that's not an option. i am going home. i've missed home. and my grandparent's are dying so i have to go see them before i'm preping funeral music. which, for those morbidly interested, has already been selected.

i'm just so worried that everyone expects so much from me when i'm home because i haven't been there. everyone wants my time the whole time, and i can't give it.

it's almost laughable. i really shouldn't have worried about tobey wanting to "fuck me" when i go home... i won't have time. i don't need an excuse, or a reason, other than i probably wont' have time to see him, alone, for even the shortest time.

and... while i like being the problem solver, the sanity saver, to my friends... damnit, i want to be selfish on this trip, and i know i'm going to be sucked right back into taking care of everyone else. and as chris says, this is a vacation. i said, no it's not, it's going home. then he countered with any time away from work is a vacation - if you won't have fun, don't go.

i should just get a tshirt printed up:

front: i miss you, i love you, gotta go!
back: come visit me in cali!

or something like that.

i can't forget my ipod. or my headphones.

should i wear my heels on the plane.... or... hmmm....