Background Noise: Heaven's Light, Hunchback (yes, i seem to randomly be on a hunchback kick)
Last website visited: apple's nab award announcements
Mood: tense
Right now i want... to smash a few faces into the new york pavement.

ok, maybe nothing that violent. actually, nothing that violent. i'd really just like to walk into a certain store in union square, find 2 or 3 people, give them the tongue lashing of the decade, hopefully screw their heads on straight, and come back to california. then hopefully, my friend might be able to get something she wants for a change, instead of always having to defer for the sake of people she considers friends who don't understand what she does for them.

well, as long as i was in manhattan i'd have to like, stay, see a few shows, eat, wander, soak up the spring city... but that's not quite the point.

the next bit is directed at a person who will never read this, but i feel the need to share: if there are stipulations to an action that you don't like, don't agree with, and feel with all your heart are wrong, you cannot go through said action thinking that later on you can change the stipulations. get a clue: you agreed to them in order for the action to happen. it is done. you can't change the rules, or argue with the rules after the game is over and you've lost more than you could ever realize before you did it. you played with a fire more intense and dangerous than you realized, and i'm afraid that fire is going to make damn sure you understand, now, it's power. i'm truly sorry. but, you did bring this upon yourself. you compromised, you conived, you seduced, you decieved, and you compromised. but in this compromise you lost everything, and your world will never be the same. this was one of those big decisions in life that you goofed up.

::sigh:: i'm sorry for the moderatly delayed rant. and i'm equally sorry for it's vagueness. it is just my opinion that some things are never casual, or as casual, as one would like to believe. theory and practice diverge greatly when sex is involved; as it should. friends with benefits rarely works as it is intended, the conditions have to be very specific and not change. the thing is, once you find that person whom you can truly "have benefits" with with no emotional cost... the sex is never as fulfilling as you want. doesn't matter how good it may be, it doesn't really matter; it looses it's beauty, power, and function. and it quickly becomes something you don't want.