Background Noise: Here Without You, 3 Doors Down
Last website visited: Livejournal round, stupid, stupid me
Mood: annoyed
Right now i want... to not feel so annoyed, embarrased, and stupid (very sexy, i know).

First: i keep up with the livejournals of some friends, ex-friends, and never friends of mine. i want to know what they're doing, how they're doing, whatever. but here is the problem: i don't think i'm actually mature enough to do it. there are subjects with each of these people that hurt me, and yet i keep looking at their journals; and when i see something revolving around the offending subject matter, i feel hurt again. then annoyed. at me, for looking in the first place and getting hurt again... and a bit at them, too, for whatever it was they were doing that caused the twinge in my heart. it's this last sentance that worries me, that makes me think i'm not actually mature enough, or over whatever it is enough to actually have any contact with them. i suppose my problem is as it always has been: i want to know. everything. especially about things i have an emotional interest in, regardless of the quality or the quantity of that investment. so i cave, i look, and i get hurt. but at least i know, or have more of a clue. still. i don't like the hurt part. it will go away in a few mins... it always does. the rest of the day will happen, and i might not even remember to mention it to barb. the problem is, that doesn't help me now. or in 2 days when i do it again, as i inevitably will.

Second: the coach of my softball team wants to play me at catcher tomorrow. this is stupid. it's not a fast pitch game, it's a slow pitch, very boring game. you usually play your weaker players there, to get them in the game, but not really in a position to do much damage. here is my beef: i'm one of the strongest women (of the 2 of us) and the other strong girl won't be playing tomorrow. it's fair, i didn't play last week (and maybe that's why he's doing this, but not the point). i shouldn't be put in a null position. we have lost every game because of mismanagement of our good players. every time there is a good defensive arrangement, the coach changes it. now, granted, everyone should play where ever they want, and everyone should have equal time playing. however. the point is to learn and to have fun, not to piss everyone off and loose. we will only have 5 girls again tomorrow, we will all play every inning. i don't see the value of further weakening our team.

that being said, after telling the coach that catching is not my prefered position for slow pitch, i said that i would play wherever he put me. i'm a team player, i just don't think he's doing what's best for our team.

k, end of rant. i need more coffee.