Background Noise: kqed stream
Last website visited: apple web
Mood: sliding into a funk
Right now i want... the pain reducing effects of caffine

KQED played Anne of Green Gables ep 1 & 2 saturday night. The sequel, Anne of Avonlea, or Anne of Green Gables ep 3 & 4 will be on next saturday... when i'm not here. I was _SO_ happy that it was on. I love this version of some of my favorite books. I had to mention it. There was a time when i prefered ep's 1&2 to 3&4, mainly because in 3&4 Anne is older, trying to make her way in the world, trying to balance her need to learn and to work and to have a life of her own making, and the potential for love and romance and a life dictated by marriage. Surprising or not, 3&4 are the ones i want to watch now. 1&2 show a young Anne, an Anne in school, competitive and stubborn and smart, and brave, and charmingly idealistic and quirky. 1&2 used to be my favorites because i saw who i was and who i wanted to be, all wrapped up in megan follow's Anne. i watched 1&2 saturday painfully, because i saw who i was, where i was going, and how she got derailed by the very things 3&4 Anne was afraid of. And i walked right in to it. I walked into my trap, my cage, got bound and changed and fought with myself to stay. that made no sense for most of you, i just don't care to explain anymore right now. i'm tired.

but i'm glad i saw 1&2 again, painfull as it was. because i have been and am working to be who i was and want to be. someone worth respect and love. someone who doesn't make stupid choices and concessions for reasons that really aren't worthy, just because of their short term gain.

i'm babbling.

when diana barry's mother forbid her to see her best friend Anne any more, Diana played with other girls she didn't like nearly as much because she had to have friends to make her happy. Anne didn't bother. Diana was the one worthy of her friendship, there was no need for her to accept others she didn't respect or even like just because she was lonely.

apparently there are some lessons i thought i had learned, but really didn't. i should read children's books more often, brush up on my basics. at some point, life is like math. if you don't really get addition, you will never get your linear matrix theory.