Background Noise: Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now, Hairspray
Last website visited: dan's blog
Mood: indifferent? or maybe just drained, i can't quite tell.
Right now i want... touch. to not be so sore. a nap. a new dvd or 3 maybe.

so i went to the game last night. we lost, which wasn't surprising. i got hit with a throw in the back, 2 big guys slammed into me at second (to knock the ball out of my hands, which they didn't do), basically re-injured my ankles (again)... hehe... but hey, fun, right? andy came and reassured me that i wasn't seeing things with how the team was playing, which was nice, because i was starting to think that i was just seeing what i wanted to.

i'm really considering coaching the summer team. it's been a while, since i coached a team. helena promised to do the administrative work, which is one of the main reasons i don't want the job. i mean, i don't really mind the paperwork or the organizational aspect, or the planning, or the keeping track of 15 adults with real, demanding, jobs, or... nope, i'm lying, i really just don't want to have to deal with it :)

there were some fireworks at the game last night. one of our players stormed off the field in tears. it complicated the game, we had to take an automatic out, and i had to play second / short center, but... i don't think the outcome was really affected. we lost that game before it started.

what concerns me the most, is that our strong players who are here to play and have fun, aren't, and those that are here to learn aren't, and are having less fun (if that's at all possible). that isn't the point of softball, especially adult softball. the point is to get a little work out, to hang out with people from work, have some healthy competition, to work on your mechanics and generally improve. so maybe, when you have to go have your turn coaching little tykes, you know something about what you're talking about.

maybe baseball / softball has just been such a constant throughout my entire life that i have a different set of expectations than other people. maybe because my brother and i played so competitively (especially dave) for so long, when we always were working on mechanics and technique and situations and plays and ways to improve the game, i really think that's how everyone plays. because, let's face it: it is fun to win. it is even more fun to play well, and know you're doing your best. to truly want to win. to have a passion to be where you are and do what you are doing.

or maybe it's just the passion that's lacking, that's what i want. a passion for life, for what you're doing at all times. i suppose it's just how i see things, be truly passionate about what you're doing, find a way to be, or change what you're doing so you are. maybe passion is the wrong word, maybe the right word is drive. maybe that's what makes me not show a reaction when i get hurt. trust me, the bruises make a liar out of me. the drive, that is. or maybe i just have something to prove.

:) and maybe i'm just still tired and out of it and have had a few too many pain killers and i'm just being indecisive.

in other news, the world is a very small place. espeically with my random set of friends. hehe, it happens, way too often, that people i know in very different contexts actually know each other, and have very strong feelings about one another. and then i get lectured.

i got lectured twice yesterday because of a "small world" situation. ::sigh:: i really don't like being lectured, especially when i've already come to conclusion the lecture was intended to get across.

my skin misses touch. yes, this is random, but, i've notice recently how... little things i notice much more than before. sorry, i'm going to stop there, just... felt like saying it.

k, i'm tired. and full. and need to get back to reading about film editing theory. interesting stuff, really.