Background Noise: what is this feeling?, wicked
Last website visited: i forget
Mood: caffinated and confused
Right now i want... ______

so. andy and i went to get coffee. andy is the new contractor on the team, also one of the only people in the office this week to actually get coffee with. he's a nice guy, though, though a bit shy. but not the point of this particular blurb. we were downstairs in line to get coffee, and i saw jason and the twin again (the twin is otherwise known as the guy on my old team who looks almost exactly like the ex). so we had to go talk to them.

now i want to make this very clear. i really like my old team. i think they're funny, and brilliant, and a pleasure to hang out with. dave and mark were there for a few seconds, and i even saw kendra. here's the problem. the twin looks at me... and... i'm not sure if it's, as dan suggested, because i look at him oddly, or if it's because he sees something in me, but... i find it very uncomfortable. which is unfair. i'm reacting to him as if he actually were my ex. and he's not. he's a different person, with a different name (that i can't seem to remember), different mannerisms, and well, he's here and not in ann arbor. my brain knows this. but i can't help feeling the way i do. i shrink back. i look down. i'm suddenly very aware of everything i'm saying, like i'm much younger and looking for... i'm not sure what i'm looking for.

so what happened today, as before, was i left the company of my old team much sooner than i would like. hell, i practically ran away. i only went over because i had to, i saw them, they saw me, i like them, they like me, we were all getting coffee, it's assumed you'll chit-chat, even if it's to say "oh gosh i'm late for such-and-such meeting."

my behavior is entirely unfair and uncalled for. he's a DIFFERENT PERSON. i just... can't seem to act like it.