Background Noise: Somewhere over the Rainbow, Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies (thanks, sugam!)
Last website visited: morning rounds
Mood: :) there are finally good movies to go see this weekend (though no football), so i'm happy
Right now i want... to throw a message out to the void

i wanted to talk about notebooks for a moment. ... wait, what? notebooks? aren't i supposed to be writing about the election and it's fallout? well, maybe, but for the moment i really just want to talk about notebooks.

the thing is, i'm addicted to them: to me, a blank notebook holds the promise of creative potential. i want to buy them all, and for a while, i would buy every single one i saw that met my standards¹.

i'd see a plain white papered spiral sketchpad at borders for $5 and buy it - dreaming every moment of the pictures i'd draw and the stories i'd write once i found the right pen and the right writing nook... and the right outfit, desk surface, lighting situation... the list goes on and on and i wish i was kidding, but i'm not.

so what did i end up with? a collection of stories and memories and sketches and dreams? no: i ended up with a bunch of notebooks with blank pages sitting in my bookshelves mocking me when i looked at them. use us! they'd scream to me. stop doing whatever else you're doing and write!

sometimes i'd start, i'd find a good pen and resolve to start filling those pages. and the most amazing thing would happen: i'd pre-judge everything i wanted to say. nothing i wanted seemed to be good enough for my precious notebooks that were supposed to hold the best of me. so, before i'd write more than a few sentences, i'd stop. put my pen down, close the book, and let it be.

i forced myself to stop buying them unless they were a one-of-a-kind perfect. and on sale. and i could pay for it in cash, not on my card.

but now, i'm starting to go through notebooks again at work, i'm almost done with one i bought while on my trip to Europe... and i'm looking again, trying to find a book that is everything i want and need to do my work. and it's disappointing, going through the shelves of the local stores and finding ones that might be close to what i want, but not close enough, never close enough.

you could say i'm a bit neurotic about them, or particular, or snobbish, or that i knew exactly what i wanted and wouldn't settle for anything less. you could say that i've thought way too much about what is supposed to be the vessel for creativity, not the creative entity itself. you could also probably argue that i'm not a writer, not a sketch artist, and so i somehow don't have the right to be so picky. of course, i would counter that so much of my life has been shaped by reading why wouldn't i want to try my hand at story-crafting... or you could say stop daydreaming, get back to being just a boring engineer who sings occasionally.

of course, the thing is, i don't give a damn what you could or will say about my notebooks :) i just felt like sheding some light on how i approach what i deem important, even if you don't agree with me.



¹: My notebooks must meet a fairly particular set of criteria: they can't be too big, too small, or oddly shaped. they must have a spiral binding, preferably a wire one - but a study wire, not the flimsy stuff they use on mead notebooks. they must be lined - unless the book is for sketching, then it must be plain. the lining has additional requirements, though: i require a college rule instead of a large ruled book, with a light line instead of a heavy one. ideally, though, the lining is a small, light grid - no bigger than 1cm. Then there is the cover to consider: it must be sturdy enough to allow for writing when i don't have a table, but not too heavy. and the cover art must be interesting in some manner, be it vintage art, kooky modern patterns, simple phrases, or plain color. Of course, all of the afore mentioned requirements go by the wayside if i find a beautiful leather journal - then all bets are off and i'll justify spending the extra money for the scent and heft of the leather... especially if it's turquoise.