Background Noise: The Attic
Last website visited: the rounds
Mood: Don't you love farce?
Right now i want...

Isn't this growing-up-and-moving-away roller-coaster odd.

You're elated by your new plot in life, then horrified by your homesickness.
You're accepting - finally, you see the forrest for the trees and everything will be alright.
More than alright.
You find a routine, start to feel almost alive again, or at least awake - you're conscious of what you do and where you go and who you're with.
You start to build a life.

Then in one moment, you're back to being overwhelmed with the feeling that you're no where near where you need to be.

And even worse, you don't want to be anywhere near where you are.

And isn't it odd that this roller-coaster isn't odd or strange or new: everyone rides it. Everyone who has ridden it says to themselves: i need something more, i need help, i need someone to do this with.

Everyone decides to stay on that ride for the next trip round the course.

And then everyone still ends up riding it alone, staring at all the other people riding alone beside them.

Yet, seeing those other people doesn't help you, or change the fact that nothing is different, even with your fancy routine. Even with your attempts to convince yourself that everything is fine.

Even though you know you chose this, and you still choose it.

And worse, you probably don't really want what you miss anymore, anyways.
Of course, knowing that doesn't stop you from missing it, anyways.

And you stay in your seat for the next ride, even though you're sure this next trip is the one that will turn you green, make you ill, make you cry for it all to just stop, let you take that choice back.

But you know you chose this.
And you continue to choose it.