Background Noise: Keane playlist
Last website visited:
Mood: tired, vaguely annoyed
Right now i want... lunch?

New Title. Though this song wasn't necessarily the catalyst for this name change, i'll save you the effort of googling it.

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stuck here dithering around
Well I know I said I'd wait around till you need me
But I have to go, I hate to let you down
But I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cause I'm short on time
I'm lonely
And I'm too tired to talk

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stuck here withering away
Well I know I said I wouldn't leave you behind
But I have to go, it breaks my heart to say

That I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cause I'm short on time
I'm lonely
And I'm too tired to talk

No one back home
I've got troubles of my own
And I can't slow down
For no one in town
And I can't stop now

And I can't slow down
For no one in town
And I can't stop now
For no one

The motion keeps my heart running....
-- Keane.

Historically on this blog i've made a big deal about titles and why i've changed them. This time is no different, there are real reasons i felt it was time for a change. Not to put to fine a point on it, i don't want to just be as i am, i don't want to be that girl who's excuse for her flaws is just that she is who she is.

While i am perfectly happy with my person in general and it is true that i am who i am, i don't want to be stuck in idle as i've felt i have been for too long. If i was lying i would say that i've been in idle since coming to california; but like i said, that would be a lie. The truth is i've been lost in this middle ground since graduation - confused, constantly moving but without focus or real drive, and let's face it, more than a little depressed.

Surprised? don't be: i haven't wanted people to notice. Though if you've seen me you've seen the evidence more clearly than even i knew - when i'm sad or troubled or angry or depressed or overly tired i eat. And, annoyingly, my waistline has grown enough for everyone to notice. This isn't to say that i'm constantly depressed, or in need of medication, or a boyfriend, or whatever your particular cure-all is.

I have my own fix: desire, and thankfully i'm getting mine back. Now, don't go overboard and take this to mean that i'm going to run over to the casual encounters section of craigslist (though let's admit it, it's pretty hilarious reading). I mean a desire to live, a desire to do, to make, to have, and to prove. Thankfully i've been given a chance to do just that at work now, and i'm going to make sure i see what i want done, regardless of how much effort it takes.

Oh, and while i'm here, to all of you well meaning friends of mine: please shut up about my personal life. Accept that i cannot have one right now and i don't want to hear about all of the fish in the sea or what i should have or who i should have. I don't want to hear it. I do not forsee dating of any kind in my immediate future - not because i'm not worthy, or whatever low esteem reason you're ready to project on me, but because i'm not ready. My last relationship was Chernobyl, the Hindenburg, and the Titanic combined and 2+ years later i'm still not over it. Don't force me. You won't like the consequences.

Please excuse my ranting. I'm not in the best mood this week. I failed to give blood again yesterday, failed again to help someone who might have needed me. I've also been dragged kicking and screaming back into work i don't want to do, and i'm not thrilled about it. All of this on top of the fact i'm still sore and exhausted from my fall... please excuse my behavior.

Anyhoo. New title, new day, and i can't stop now. I can't stop moving forward and forging my path.

That has to be positive, doesn't it?

Sidenote: Previous Titles: 1) My Letter to the World, 2) Just as She Is, 3) I Can't Stop Now