Variations in Grey
Background Noise: Ballrooms and Biscotti
Last Visited:And They All Died Happily Ever After
Random Thought: time is irrelevant when your surroundings never change
Mood: hmm, what?
God i want to see Fall. I want to feel the crisp air. I want to see the leaves changing colors, the way the light shifts and everything becomes just a bit richer. I want to smell the world on football saturday morning, crunch over the grass with my coffee and a light jacket, a book in my bag. I want my cheeks to be rosy with chill, not heat. I want to be able to stay curled in bed because it's cold outside and my bed is comfy and warm.
My goodness weather monotony sucks. I realized today that for the past year and a half i've been in a constant state of sameness: the weather is the same, there's a perpetual fire drill at work, and i'm still poor and missing home. Of course, the type of fire drill is different, the type of poor is different, but damn this is just never ending. I talked to someone earlier who hadn't realized that i had been in this state of high alert for over a year. I know it's worth it - i know it's important. But damn sometimes i just wish it was somewhere else.
I want to know time is passing. I don't want my life to be an endless series of labs with no clocks and no windows; a permanent Las Vegas casino with no clear path to the door. I hate that in speaking to a friend i haven't heard from in months i have to honestly answer "nothing is different."
Of course, i've changed a bit; but the circumstances within which i live? Nope. I'm still here; my status is the same as it's been since i've gotten here. The movie(s) i saw this weekend have changed, the hot potato political issue is a different safe-monster, what i'm reading is yet another entertaining yet mindless escapist fantasy.
I've become a veritable Variation in Grey. Shades of Monotony. Always alert, always stressed, always rushing to fix yet another something. Sure there's hope for a change; but that hope diminishes when the "when" keeps moving farther along the horizon.
le sigh.
Anyways, enough of the meloncholy. I blame the Finding Neverland Variation in Blue piano theme playing right now. Sure, that's it.
I was mesmerized by the Six Feet Under series finale last night. This wouldn't be so odd (pretty much everyone with HBO and a tivo saw it or will see it), except i've never watched the show before. Not a single episode.
A ton of my friends really admire the show, love it, own the dvds, have viewing parties and so on, but somehow i had never seen an single show. I'm not sure i would have liked seening six seasons of it, but the finale was something... different. And that, in and of itself, is special.
Hi-ho-hi-ho, it's back to debugging i go.
Expression:
Last Visited:And They All Died Happily Ever After
Random Thought: time is irrelevant when your surroundings never change
Mood: hmm, what?
God i want to see Fall. I want to feel the crisp air. I want to see the leaves changing colors, the way the light shifts and everything becomes just a bit richer. I want to smell the world on football saturday morning, crunch over the grass with my coffee and a light jacket, a book in my bag. I want my cheeks to be rosy with chill, not heat. I want to be able to stay curled in bed because it's cold outside and my bed is comfy and warm.
My goodness weather monotony sucks. I realized today that for the past year and a half i've been in a constant state of sameness: the weather is the same, there's a perpetual fire drill at work, and i'm still poor and missing home. Of course, the type of fire drill is different, the type of poor is different, but damn this is just never ending. I talked to someone earlier who hadn't realized that i had been in this state of high alert for over a year. I know it's worth it - i know it's important. But damn sometimes i just wish it was somewhere else.
I want to know time is passing. I don't want my life to be an endless series of labs with no clocks and no windows; a permanent Las Vegas casino with no clear path to the door. I hate that in speaking to a friend i haven't heard from in months i have to honestly answer "nothing is different."
Of course, i've changed a bit; but the circumstances within which i live? Nope. I'm still here; my status is the same as it's been since i've gotten here. The movie(s) i saw this weekend have changed, the hot potato political issue is a different safe-monster, what i'm reading is yet another entertaining yet mindless escapist fantasy.
I've become a veritable Variation in Grey. Shades of Monotony. Always alert, always stressed, always rushing to fix yet another something. Sure there's hope for a change; but that hope diminishes when the "when" keeps moving farther along the horizon.
le sigh.
Anyways, enough of the meloncholy. I blame the Finding Neverland Variation in Blue piano theme playing right now. Sure, that's it.
I was mesmerized by the Six Feet Under series finale last night. This wouldn't be so odd (pretty much everyone with HBO and a tivo saw it or will see it), except i've never watched the show before. Not a single episode.
A ton of my friends really admire the show, love it, own the dvds, have viewing parties and so on, but somehow i had never seen an single show. I'm not sure i would have liked seening six seasons of it, but the finale was something... different. And that, in and of itself, is special.
Hi-ho-hi-ho, it's back to debugging i go.
Expression:
posted by Jane at 10:57:00 AM
1 comments
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1 Comments:
Sometimes, you're just fricken good at what you do.
oh man is it fun.
:)