Just Lettuce.

Background Noise: If i were a bell
Last Visited:ok, i admit it: i'm a Spoiler Whore.
Random Thought: Do something to make me hate you!
Mood: Um, go Hitler?

So TalentScout and I were ichatting about the Senate confirmation hearings for Judge Roberts and how crazy silly they've been. We were snippy; then ironic, then satirical... anyways, as occasionally happens, the chitchat developed into something actually worth sharing. Our version of Anthropomorphised Brushed Metal, if you will. Enjoy.

Senator Schubin: Judge Roberts, do you like tomatoes on your cheeseburger?
Judge Roberts: No, Senator, I prefer just lettuce and onions.

Senator Schubin: How can we expect you to be an impartial chief justice if you're not willing to consider tomatoes on your cheeseburger?
Judge Roberts: I don't know how tomatoes on my cheeseburger affects my impartiality as a judge.

Senator Schubin: But you wrote once about why tomatoes are horrible! You're obviously biased against tomatoes!
Judge Roberts: Senator, that was when i was representing people who didn't like tomatoes!

Senator Schubin: So you hate tomatoes! You will never approve of them, will you?
Judge Roberts: That's not what i said, sir, i was representing my client. As a matter of fact, I rather like tomatoes in many other dishes. My wife has a terrific recipe for lasagna.

Senator Schubin: Aha! You want women to be tied to the stove by their apron strings!
Judge Roberts: Actually, senator, my wife is a lawyer.

Senator Schubin: I think we've clearly demonstrated not only a bias against my tomato-growing constituents, but against women doing anything other than having babies and making your dinner!
Let's move on to some of my other questions. I understand you like Kaiser rolls for your cheeseburgers. Now, Kaiser is, of course, the German for Emperor - so are you saying in your hamburger bun preference that you are a Nazi sympathizer who believes in an imperial presidency?
Judge Roberts: What Kaiser rolls have to do with my fitness for the Supreme Court bench?

Senator Schubin: Judge Roberts, I also understand that you like to top off your hamburger with a peach cobbler dessert. As everyone knows, Peach cobbler is a popular dessert among southerners, and is often served with vanilla ice cream ala mode - are you saying your dessert choice reflects a bias toward the south, and an affinity for things that are white?
Judge Roberts: What?!

Senator Schubin: You refuse to answer? Your hamburger preferences are clearly of grave importance to this hearing.
Judge Roberts: I don't see what my hamburger preferences have to do with my judicial fitness, senator.

Senator Schubin: You don't want to talk about hamburgers? Apparently the judge who writes about a "so-called right to privacy" wants to have that right for himself so he doesn't have to talk about hamburgers!
Judge Roberts: Um...

Expression: